This article is a work of satire- all information and quotes are 100% fictional.
In a bold new effort to increase productivity in schools and make up for lost instructional days due to inclement weather, the MoCo Board of Education has introduced hypnopedia into the curriculum. Hypnopedia is the practice of learning and internalizing information while asleep. This move from the BOE comes after reports of lower average test scores in the county.
“We’ve already used up all 3 of our allotted snow days,” says interim superintendent Monifa McKnight. “This was the next logical step to ensure that our students are receiving all of the information required within the curriculum.”
Average test scores after the first semester have drastically decreased from previous years, and many think snow days are to blame.
“I missed an entire unit in AP Statistics because of the snow day last week,” A junior from Springbrook explained. “I hope I can learn it through hypnopedia before the unit test next week.”
The county will provide all students with headphones and audio books for each subject. The audio books will relay information in a soothing voice for 6 hours straight, and students will wake up feeling refreshed and educated.
“We didn’t want to have to extend the school year into the summer,” explained Student Member of the Board representative Hana O’Looney. “Hypnopedia will require basically no effort from students, so a majority of the student body is actually in favor of this implementation.”
The biggest concern from parents is that they don’t know exactly what these recordings will be saying. “Who knows what they could be conditioning my child to think,” one outraged parent from Sherwood High School said. “They could be teaching critical race theory for all we know!”
The Board of Education has assured parents that all recordings will contain strictly academic information straight from the textbook.
“I’m excited for hypnopedia, it seems really easy,” a senior from Blake High School remarked.
For the most part, the community seems to be in favor of this measure. Hypnopaedic learning will begin immediately, students will be receiving their headphones and audio books in their 8th period.