PETA Pitches for the MLB to Change Animal-ist Baseball Term “Bullpen” to “Arm Barn”

In another gastly attempt to remain relevant, PETA is pitching for Major League Baseball (MLB) to stop using the term “bullpen” and replace it with “arm barn.” The activist organization claims “bullpen” is offensive to animals and mocks players. The term is used in reference to both the group of relief pitchers and the physical area where the pitchers warm up. To promote their point and influence real change, PETA has temporarily changed their Twitter name to “arm barn.”

For context, cows and bulls are typically held in bullpens before being taken to be slaughtered. More specifically, “hung upside down and their throats are slit in the meat industry” and “tormented into kicking and bucking by being electro-shocked or prodded.” Should the MLB change its name, animal abuse and this horrific act will no doubt stop everywhere. Obviously, once the change hits the news, legal action will be taken in honor of the MLB and PETA’s courageous work.

While we’re at it, why do we use the term “pig” in reference to cops when the bacon on the side of your eggs might take offense. And even worse, “bringing home the bacon?” “Until the cows come home?” A poultry parade will no doubt take place once PETA gets word of this. In fact, a change.org petition has recently been created to denounce these slur-ful phrases. Become a young activist for animal rights and sign this pledge for our future. Someone needs to tell PETA what baseballs and gloves are made out of; the pilgrimage against pigs has gone on too long. 

Senior animal hater and baseball enthusiast Theo Sodani had this to say about the change; “Bullpen is just a part of baseball and I don’t believe it’s harmful language. It’s a waste of time and energy to try and change the language which could be used for solving actual issues.”

However, as a human, Sodani does not have the right to reclaim the animalist-slur “bullpen,” so his argument is therefore null and void. This is a very serious issue, much more important than the mass slaughter of seals taking place in Canada, the nearly extinct Malayan tiger, or even police brutality. Although, there should be more coverage on the number of fruit flies dying each and every minute. Poor, poor things. 

Senior Victoria Caplan who has never watched a baseball game in her life believes that the term is deeply offensive. “As someone who does not own a bull, I wouldn’t want my bull to be slaughtered and killed. These people are monsters.”

PETA has also taken brave strides to bring down Pokemon because it is a clear example of “virtual animal abuse.” The hashtag “GottaFreeEmAll,” briefly trended on Twitter in 2012 but Pokemon never listened. Millions of Eevees and Pikachus are being forced to fight each and every day. 

Bullpen doesn’t even rhyme. It’s time to end the madness: email the MLB to bring down this hate together!