If you read this column, you are a beautiful human being and I love you. Here are some more of my favorite things that I think about way more than I should.
If people consider swear words to be “adult language,” why are those same profanities considered “immature”?
There is an ongoing debate about which is greater: waffles and pancakes. I believe it is not even worth debating. Waffles far surpass anything even closely resembling a pancake.
Waffles are physically stronger, as seen in the definition in their abs. Or their ridges. Whatever. Pancakes have no abs. I believe, for this reason, that all people that eat waffles grow up to be stronger than their weak pancake eating counterparts.
In the future, people that eat waffles will take rule over pancake eaters in a civil war that nobody can prevent and there is nothing anyone can say to change my mind. Waffles are essentially super pancakes.
As the year winds down, we reflect on all that has happened and all the personal advances we have made. But I’m a little shook because I totally forgot that there was an Olympics this year in February. It was so long ago that I forgot, but it was still in the 2018 calendar year. That’s messing with me.
If you are in a relationship where you go to school together, go home, and FaceTime for eight hours, it is an ugly relationship. I am a firm believer that there are absolutely zero exceptions to this rule. Just my opinion though, but if you can give me an exception then you’re a special breed.
To all my homies out there that are having a rough time finding love, it’s fine. All you have to do is drop any kind of “hard and heartless” persona and be genuine with whomever you are trying to court. Just have real conversations with your love interest and, please, don’t say, “u lowkey cute,” or “id (insert sexual act here),” or anything along those lines.
I should also mention that there is nothing more underwhelming than asking someone out over text and then seeing them after. You’d think and hope it’s going to be some kind of beautiful reunion and you run into each other’s arms and embrace as a newly formed romantic union. It really just isn’t, no two ways about it.
If you kill someone’s dog, you should receive the death penalty. There is no companion more loyal in a person’s life than their dog. It’s like killing a best friend or a son/daughter. It is one of the most disgusting acts someone could commit. You have to be the one of the most heartless individuals alive to pull that off. Dogs are a gift to society and anyone that is capable of murdering these creatures deserves the absolute worst.